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So, of course, I'm ending 2019 having to report bank card fraud, needing to cancel my visa card and the account attached to it. Now I'm left cardless for a week or so. I have to go through all the bother of resetting payments etc. etc. Gah! It also creates this feeling inside as well - how did it happen? It's really uncomfortable and unnerving - not knowing.

Was it shopping online over Christmas? Was it banking online, was it my mobile banking?

Obviously my security was not tight enough.

Maybe they thought $40 wouldn't be noticed. Well. $40 may as well be $1000 to me. So yeah. I noticed.

My Dad laughs about New Year's Resolutions. Anything you can't do every day of the year, he tells me, you'll fail to do at the beginning of the year - and to be honest - he has a fair point (which is why I try to make a habit of walking everyday, unless migraine/pain/period etc. prevents me otherwise - walk, walk all the time, walk!) But I think a lot of it comes down to people's personalities. I think, sometimes, having a particular, defining "date" can be beneficial to a lot of people.

The same way I think a lot of people work on goals, or desire to find meaning in life.

This pondery has been something coming up alot in my thinking of late: "The desire to find meaning in life."

And I keep cycling back to a repeating phase that crops up as I think about what I find meaningful, or, what it is that I want to do. Yeah. I'm thirty years old, I write books, but I still feel lost most of the time. I still feel like I'm wandering around in the dark, not sure what I am even doing here. But I get this phase popping into my head: "The freedom to choose."

To choose what?

To choose - well - everything. Every day I get to wake up and make choices, my own choices. I choose how I think. I am free to choose to smile, to laugh, to cry, to speak, to make mistakes, to fix those mistakes and ultimately free to choose how I respond to situations around me.

That's practically a superpower in my opinion.

Now, don't get the wrong idea. It doesn't change a situation at all.

Oh no.

I still live in pain. There are terrible days. Terrible nights. There have been months that have dragged on and I have begged an ending, just - please - end, somehow, end. Sometimes I sit on the floor in my office and cry, for I physically can no longer lift myself. You cannot change that situation.

But I can change from negative to positive thoughts.

Does it always work? No.

Do I always do it?


But the more you try, the better you become at flipping a switch inside yourself.

This decade was full of many things.

I travelled to England, Ireland and Scotland.

Yeah, family. That was this decade. 2011.

Eight years later, I am ten kg's heavier. Haha. Funny that. Also yes, this is the adventure where I busted my knee and it plagued me from then on.

I adventured to New Zealand again. My best friend visited from the Netherlands.

We had marriages. All three of my siblings got married. (Maybe this new decade will be my decade. Maybe not.)

I now have three gorgeous nephews.

I published four books.

And I bought a house, sorta...technically...give or take another thirty years, right, for the loan. XD

We went on many camping trips, hiking trips.

I conquered a 22km half marathon.

Yeah. I am awesome!

Did the City to Bay several times despite my busted knee (which yes, I busted my knee on the first day I arrived in England.)

I finally made some author friends, adventured to Melbourne with said author friends for some conventions.

So, really. Despite the hardships - and there have been many - I think it's been a pretty good decade. And this year has been one of great personal growth for me. I continue to feel ever more comfortable in who I am as a person. I turned 30 this year. My family threw me an incredible - and I mean INCREDIBLE - 30th birthday party. Lord of the Rings themed.

I felt very accepted, and very valued. It was extremely special.

I remember way back at the turn of the new millennium, 1999 to 2000, and Sydney Harbour Bridge lit up in the beautiful word "Eternity."

I'm sure the word has different meanings for different people. Ten year old Kylie found it a very comforting word. A word of hope. The world has kept on changing over the past two decades since that night, and goodness, I think it's only going to change faster and faster.

To be honest, I actually sort of look forward to seeing where we are in 2030.

I'll be 40.

Now that...

That's messing with my head.

Where did all the years go?

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