It has now been nine weeks since I started The Gym.
The decision to do so was an enormous one, because it was - frankly - a lot of money - and money is kinda precious at the moment.
I'll be real with you all, it's been unbelievably stressful juggling my already tight budget around to fit the rising cost of living.
And then -
I decided to join the gym, and get a personal trainer.
But something had to change.
I have always talked about joining a gym, and getting a personal trainer - at some point - some time - in the far and distant future, when I can afford it.
I was feeling trapped by my lack of finances, my inability to get a job due to my health, and the spiral just whirled about, around and around, and I couldn't see a way out - and my pain just compounded the whole thing.
I'd made the huge decision to come off my pain medication due to the side effects it was causing, and I actually did come off them, entirely.
It was an huge thing to do, and I was really proud of myself. I am back on them again, but now I know I am capable of coming off them entirely.
I was just not prepared for what the gym was about to do...hahahah...oh gosh...
Something had to change in my life. Nine weeks ago, I was...a bit of a wreak...
I mean, I usually have my ups and downs, but this year has just been - a year.
So, I signed up to the gym and decided everything else would just work itself out around me.
Yeah. It was stressful. I'm not going to lie.
I'm really grateful for my family. This year has been...a year...but it has also shown me how blessed I am.
The gym itself - well - that is fantastic.
Best decision I've ever made. I LOVE going to the gym. I love everything about the gym. I know it's weird, but I suppose I sort of had this stereotypical mind set of what everyone at a gym would be like - and I really don't fit that description at all.
Due to a medication I took last year to try and help my pain, I put on about 30kg in a span of four months. Yep. It was really scary, and, I am NEVER doing that again.
No matter what I've tried, I haven't managed to get the weight off.
Because of that imaginative picture, I was really scared to go. I was worried I'd feel huge and out of place, and really, super clumsy, and frankly unwelcome. And yeah, I do feel self conscious - I won't deny that - and my face is like a tomato and I am very chunky.
But everyone is there just being - awesome - and at different stages of their own lives.
It took awhile for me to get used to the whole thing, but it didn't take long -
From my first session with my personal trainer, I was hooked.
Oh, the pain was near unbearable, but like the pain I get from climbing a mountain, or doing a long walk, it was pain that I had worked for.
It wasn't fibro pain that just sits around sapping the life out of me.
I would say it has taken up to around about now, week eight and nine, for me to really start feeling the results. I haven't lost any weight - but I didn't really go into this journey with a huge purpose to lose weight. I mean, yes, it would be nice, but I suspect weight loss will come in time. I'm not in any massive rush.
I went into it with a purpose to get stronger so I could endure pain better.
And that's what is happening.
I wanted to get fitter and stronger so I could manage life better, do more things, run and hike and just -- be there -- in the moment more -- but I really didn't expect that it'd be such an amazing result in just nine weeks.
It's a result no one can see yet, but gosh, can I feel it.
I don't struggle to walk up the garden path anymore.
I don't tire doing the washing, or the gardening, the vacuuming or the shopping.
And sure, I still have to make sure I'm pacing myself - that I don't over to do it - and I still get flareups and I still get migraines.
But it's like I've put on a suit of armour.
Or like...a mech suit, that's allowing me to move better.
It's pretty awesome.
Ohhh, and my knees! Yes! My knees! I haven't had my knees bust on me since I started the gym. That's the best news ever.
Yet, I do have to be careful, and I still have to be aware of the fibro.
I've just had three days in which I've basically spent in bed due to Supanova.
But once, Supanova would have knocked me out for about two weeks.
I had three days in bed, and then I went to the gym.
It might not seem like much.
I haven't solved all my problems. I still can't fill up my car with more than ten dollars of petrol. I haven't worked out how you meet nice guys in this weird world. I now have some HUGE logs in my yard that are basically too big to chop and I feel really bad about that...
Anyone have a chainsaw we can borrow?
I feel like I finally made a good decision. I did something good.
It's like a step forward - finally - a step forward.
Years and years -
And I stepped forward.
So yeah, I highly recommend the gym.